The sound here in my heart

Blog has always been a place for me to share my happiness, divide my sorrow and rant out my dissatisfaction. But recently, I found that there is a gap between me and my blog. There were so many times I viewed my blog without knowing what to tell or post. It is like a communication error occurring between us. And I don't deny the fact that there are some other factors like having parents who are in the trend of technology, checking out facebook and blog which somehow made me feel like I'm being eyed. Well, I don't mean that's really bad and there's something super secretive about me that I'm afraid to be unmasked by my parents but knowing that they might read, it somehow restricted what I'm going to post. No matter how close the relationship between the family is, children will always want to have a space for privacy. It's not like choosing stranger over family but...(I hate nagging especially when I'm super aware of what's wrong and right. (: ) Or perhaps, I should just see all the readers the same, regardless of who you are in real life.

People ought to describe a doctor as somebody who is smart, brilliant, hardworking, responsible, have high sense of awareness, discipline, kind... and all other adjectives that anyone of us can tell. When you see a person drug her life with all the addiction around and tell you that she's going to become a future doctor, you will most probably shake your head in disbelief.

From gaming addiction to music addiction, music addiction to novel addiction and novel addiction to movies and drama addictions. But none of the drugs work effectively on her. Despite of fulfilling herself with whatever addictions that come, she still feel the irreplaceable emptiness. Most of the time, she cocoons herself with blanket, staring at a spot, having her minds floating drunkly.

Her tired face and disheveled hair looked as if she got hurt deeply. But I couldn't remember her heart raced for anyone and she is the well known cold-hearted person. How could she be hurt? No, I'm not her, how could I possibly read her mind. Perhaps she's just too independent, agony and choosy.

There's one day she talked to me, wishing to walk out of these addiction and have a proper life. She is so aware of every single thing she did were meant for nothing but a short-term entertainment that permit the short-term pleasure. Yet, there's just an emptiness inside her heart that she wished to be filled by something. She asked me, does God hates her for becoming such an useless person. I don't know what to answer back.

Get well soon Ra.